Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
