I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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