It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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