i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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