Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Brb crying the tears of my youth
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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