Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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