A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
