making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
