So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he fucked my hip out of place.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
