I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I believe in your delicious
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
