Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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