i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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