normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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