Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
