you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
