let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
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I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
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Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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