I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
