He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
