make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
