I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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