worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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