Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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