On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
