I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Blood and glitter go together right?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
