God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
