Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
