I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
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