Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
