I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
