i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
