Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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