i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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