your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
