Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
