the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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