so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
