Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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