my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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