I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
