feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
