i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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