I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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