if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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