It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
