Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
