ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
