I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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