The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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