We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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