Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
They are going to name an STD after you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
