Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
