Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
