You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
