My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
