do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
