those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
