Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
