Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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