The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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