I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
