just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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