There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I showed him my bush... on skype.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
