Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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