Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
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I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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