She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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