It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
