I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
