I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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