And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
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... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
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You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.