let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
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Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
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I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember