you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs