Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Operation extremely regretful is in full effect

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(803): Operation extremely regretful is in full effect http://tfl.nu/gnro

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(847): View more from Illinois

i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3

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(510): View more from California

my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum

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(510): my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum http://tfl.nu/or47

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.

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(902): i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots. http://tfl.nu/58kw

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(937): View more from Ohio

How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?

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(937): How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink? http://tfl.nu/zmgw

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(501): View more from Arkansas

My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.

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(501): My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship. http://tfl.nu/h697

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(703): View more from Virginia

how do you have sooo much energy?

(571): View more from Virginia

billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week

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(703): how do you have sooo much energy? (571): billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week http://tfl.nu/czgq

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(248): View more from Michigan

so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision

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(248): so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision http://tfl.nu/5juy

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(714): View more from California

walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined

(714): View more from California

he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day

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(714): walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined (714): he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day http://tfl.nu/76ot

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(914): View more from New York

Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.

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(914): Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game. http://tfl.nu/xx77

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(760): View more from California

This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes

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(760): This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes http://tfl.nu/v44x

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(614): View more from Ohio

We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here

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(614): We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here http://tfl.nu/ha0m

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(330): View more from Ohio

If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.

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(330): If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat. http://tfl.nu/hgzf

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(440): View more from Ohio

Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer

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(440): Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer http://tfl.nu/t9hh

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(501): View more from Arkansas

There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.

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(501): There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success. http://tfl.nu/8q5q

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