His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Randomize
