I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!