He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.