I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.