My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.