We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
