Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
